This post is meant for those of us that would like some guidance on how to deal with people. This specific series will cover the necessary aspects involved with overcoming our daily social struggle for 'power'. Power is here loosely defined as the ability to dictate the terms of our own lives, at least in a social context.
The hustle and rustle of the stress-laden lifestyles of the 21st century often make us forget the extreme degree to which behaviour and comportment affect our never-ending pursuit for power, as defined above.
The human is a selfish creature, to be sure, but dependent on social interactions nonetheless. This sounds like a paradox; that we are selfish, but necessarily social. But since we benefit from positive relationships with others, this duality of human nature is not so paradoxical after all. It is astounding, then, that we generally put forth so little effort in monitoring our behavior within our social networks.
We argue about politics and economics, we worry about the environment, and we even think about the universe. What we rarely undertake, however, is self-inspection. In particular, one aspect of daily importance we often badly overlook is the impact of our behaviour on others; and consequently how others perceive us.
The hustle and rustle of the stress-laden lifestyles of the 21st century often make us forget the extreme degree to which behaviour and comportment affect our never-ending pursuit for power, as defined above.
The human is a selfish creature, to be sure, but dependent on social interactions nonetheless. This sounds like a paradox; that we are selfish, but necessarily social. But since we benefit from positive relationships with others, this duality of human nature is not so paradoxical after all. It is astounding, then, that we generally put forth so little effort in monitoring our behavior within our social networks.
We argue about politics and economics, we worry about the environment, and we even think about the universe. What we rarely undertake, however, is self-inspection. In particular, one aspect of daily importance we often badly overlook is the impact of our behaviour on others; and consequently how others perceive us.
For the most part, having long-term relationships with people tends to have a stabilizing effect on our interactions with these people. Compare the smoothing effect a river has on the rough surface of a rock over time. Our discussion here does not attempt to offer any behavioural guidance for well-established relationships.
Instead, problems arise in two generic cases where new social dynamics are formed. Either when one tries to elevate their social 'standing' within an existing group or when one attempts to enter a new social group altogether, potential complications emerge and friction ensues. So how can we work to mitigate this friction and integrate ourselves into new social groups, or even move 'up' within our own? The answer lies, for both cases, in awareness...
I will repeat here my early childhood soccer coach's Golden Rule: '(Do not) do unto others as you would (not) like done unto you'. The first step in becoming aware of our impact on others is quite simple. Oft repeated but little understood, the age-old adage of 'put yourself in their shoes' works surprisingly well. The sooner you begin to ask yourself questions such as: how would I feel if..? Am I projecting..? etc., the sooner you'll begin to reap the rewards of more enjoyable social interactions.
You will begin to notice the subtle things that you do, things that would potentially get on your nerves if you were in their shoes! You will to observe the effect of all the little, nice things you do, which are essentially what make people like you!
I highly recommend the reading of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie to understand the basic factors involved with gaining friends and getting people on your side. The change in perspective, as covered in the book, begins internally. You must adjust your personal reference frame to include the interests of others as well as your own. Because ultimately, comforting and winning over the people close to you will go a long way in allowing you to overcome your daily struggle for power, and to begin turning your life around.
But of course my humble advice, like almost everything else, should be taken with a grain of salt.
See you soon!
Peace and love ;)
Instead, problems arise in two generic cases where new social dynamics are formed. Either when one tries to elevate their social 'standing' within an existing group or when one attempts to enter a new social group altogether, potential complications emerge and friction ensues. So how can we work to mitigate this friction and integrate ourselves into new social groups, or even move 'up' within our own? The answer lies, for both cases, in awareness...
I will repeat here my early childhood soccer coach's Golden Rule: '(Do not) do unto others as you would (not) like done unto you'. The first step in becoming aware of our impact on others is quite simple. Oft repeated but little understood, the age-old adage of 'put yourself in their shoes' works surprisingly well. The sooner you begin to ask yourself questions such as: how would I feel if..? Am I projecting..? etc., the sooner you'll begin to reap the rewards of more enjoyable social interactions.
You will begin to notice the subtle things that you do, things that would potentially get on your nerves if you were in their shoes! You will to observe the effect of all the little, nice things you do, which are essentially what make people like you!
I highly recommend the reading of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie to understand the basic factors involved with gaining friends and getting people on your side. The change in perspective, as covered in the book, begins internally. You must adjust your personal reference frame to include the interests of others as well as your own. Because ultimately, comforting and winning over the people close to you will go a long way in allowing you to overcome your daily struggle for power, and to begin turning your life around.
But of course my humble advice, like almost everything else, should be taken with a grain of salt.
See you soon!
Peace and love ;)
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